One question that we get asked all the time, especially as we begin to introduce the concept of Positive Reinforcement to parents, is, “What’s the difference between positive reinforcement and bribery?”

As parents, caregivers, or educators, we've all been in situations where getting a child to cooperate feels like a monumental task. In moments of desperation, it’s easy to offer something—a toy, a treat, extra screen time—in exchange for cooperation. But where do we draw the line between positive reinforcement and bribery? While both may seem similar on the surface, the distinction between them is crucial for shaping long-term behaviors, especially for children with autism or ADHD. In this post, we’ll dive into the core differences between bribery and positive reinforcement, why one can empower your child, and why the other can backfire.

What Is Bribery in Parenting?

Bribery occurs when a reward is offered to stop or prevent unwanted behavior, usually in a moment of stress or frustration. In parenting, it often looks like offering a treat, toy, or extra screen time to quiet a tantrum or encourage cooperation. For example, offering candy to a child who is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store is bribery. The issue with bribery is that it focuses on immediate relief and is often reactive. It temporarily stops the behavior but does not teach your child anything about long-term expectations or self-regulation. Over time, children may begin to expect rewards for every task and manipulate situations to receive bribes.

What Is Positive Reinforcement?

Positive reinforcement, a core principle of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), involves rewarding a child after they demonstrate a desired behavior. The goal is to increase the likelihood of that behavior happening again in the future. For example, praising a child for sitting at the dinner table or offering a token they can trade for a toy after successfully completing their chores are examples of positive reinforcement. Unlike bribery, positive reinforcement is proactive, planned, and designed to promote lasting behavior change. It focuses on teaching and encouraging the behaviors we want to see more of.

Bribery vs. Positive Reinforcement: The Key Differences

• Timing: Bribery occurs during or after a negative behavior to stop it immediately. In contrast, positive reinforcement is offered after a positive behavior to encourage repetition. For example, bribery is offering candy during a tantrum, while positive reinforcement is offering praise after your child has followed directions.
• Focus on Behavior: Bribery focuses on immediate compliance, while positive reinforcement targets reinforcing desirable behaviors over time. The aim is to gradually increase positive behaviors without needing a reward every time.
• Control: With bribery, children often have control because they realize that “bad behavior” gets them what they want. In contrast, with positive reinforcement, the parent sets the terms and expectations, fostering an environment where the child understands that “good behavior” is rewarding in itself.

The Impact of Bribery on Behavior Development

While bribery might offer a quick solution, it can undermine your child’s behavior development in the long term. Bribery teaches children that “bad behavior” can be negotiated. When they receive rewards for stopping challenging behaviors, they may learn to act out more often in hopes of receiving a reward. This can lead to dependency on external motivators and even create more frequent power struggles. Additionally, children may start to manipulate situations, expecting to be “paid off” for completing everyday tasks or following rules.

Why Positive Reinforcement Works Better

Positive reinforcement builds intrinsic motivation over time. Instead of using external rewards as a way to control behavior in the moment, positive reinforcement encourages self-regulation and teaches children that appropriate behaviors are inherently valuable. It also reduces dependency on constant rewards, as reinforcements can be gradually faded over time. Positive reinforcement promotes the development of desirable behaviors that can last a lifetime. Research has shown that children who are consistently reinforced for positive behavior tend to become more cooperative, confident, and capable of handling new situations.

How to Implement Positive Reinforcement in Everyday Life

Implementing positive reinforcement in your child’s daily routine can be simple with the right approach. Here’s a step-by-step guide to get started:

• Set Clear Expectations: Before asking your child to complete a task, clearly explain what is expected of them. For example, say, "When you sit at the table, we’ll have dessert."
• Choose Meaningful Reinforcers: Pick rewards that are motivating for your child. These could be praise, stickers, tokens, or a favorite activity. The current reinforcers of choice in my house are “lucky duckies.”
• Reinforce Consistently: Be consistent in offering the reward immediately after the desired behavior occurs. This helps your child understand the connection between their behavior and the positive outcome.
• Gradually Fade Rewards: Over time, reduce the frequency of rewards to encourage intrinsic motivation. For instance, offer a tangible reward less often, while continuing to provide praise.

Example Scenarios:

• Reinforcing sitting at the dinner table by offering praise or dessert after they’ve sat for a few minutes without getting up.
• Reinforcing homework completion by giving a token they can exchange for extra “Free Choice” time at the end of the day.
• Reinforcing smooth transitions between activities by using a visual schedule paired with praise.

Practical Tips to Avoid Bribery

Avoiding bribery can be challenging, especially in moments of stress, but with a little planning and support from a BCBA, it’s possible to stay consistent:

• Set Clear Rules: Establish boundaries and rules ahead of time. Let your child know what behaviors are expected and the consequences for not following through.
• Use Preventative Strategies: Incorporate tools like visual schedules or token systems to remind children of the expectations and rewards ahead of time. This reduces the likelihood of needing to offer a bribe in the heat of the moment.
• Stay Calm: If your child begins to act out, stay calm and stick to the plan. To avoid an escalation in behavior, reduce the quality/quantity of the reinforcer. You want to avoid immediately removing all reinforcement for a behavior that has been reinforced in the past. To do this, offer a little bit of reinforcement for challenging behavior, but A LOT of reinforcement for the appropriate behavior. Think 2-3 individual M&Ms vs a bowl full of M&Ms. This can be complicated, so it’s important to reach out to your BCBA for help developing a plan of action for moments when sticky situations arise.

FAQs: Bribery vs. Positive Reinforcement

Q: What should I do if I’ve been using bribery? How can I transition to positive reinforcement?
A: Start by setting clear expectations for behaviors you want to reinforce. Gradually reduce the quality/quantity of rewards given for negative behaviors, and focus on praising and rewarding positive actions with higher quality/quantity reinforcers.

Q: Is it ever okay to use bribery in emergency situations?
A: Yes, reach out to your BCBA for help developing a plan of action.

Q: How do I choose effective reinforcers for my child?
A: Find what motivates your child. This could be special privileges, a favorite activity, or social praise. Pay attention to what your child enjoys and use that as a reward for “good behavior.”

Shaping Long-Term Behavior Change with Positive Reinforcement

The difference between bribery and positive reinforcement is more than just timing—it’s about teaching your child to value positive behaviors in the long term. By focusing on reinforcing the behaviors you want to see, rather than reacting to negative ones, you can help shape your child’s development in a way that fosters independence, confidence, and cooperation. Transitioning from bribery to positive reinforcement takes time, patience, and planning, but the rewards of raising a more resilient and well-adjusted child are well worth it.

Join our parent community at The Behavior Place, where you can learn more about positive reinforcement strategies, access expert-led courses, and connect with other moms who are on the same journey. Let’s work together to create a brighter future for your child!